I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
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