her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
i think im in europe. pls send help
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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