he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
The struggles of a small town man whore
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
