Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
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