I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
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I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
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Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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