you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
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