About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
