I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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