like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
