So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Randomize
