I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
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