i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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