every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
