i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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