I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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