id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
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Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
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The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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