shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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