things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
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