Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
