Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Randomize
