I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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