There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
