Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
