Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize