i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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