Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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