Pregnant stripper...not hot.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
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Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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