We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
