Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
nutella sex= disaster
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
