Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
