Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
