So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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