direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
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