do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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