i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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