..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
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Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
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