He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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