it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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