I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
