Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
