I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
