when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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