Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
