my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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