were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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