I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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