So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
25 People Confess The Most Awkward Situation They’ve Ever Been In
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
These Are 21 Of The Most Delusional People Ever
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...