It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem