Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick