Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here