I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.