so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes