Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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