I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
