He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
