Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
