I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
