Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Randomize
