one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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