So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
