in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
