tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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