let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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