Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I just want to make out with him forever
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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