he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
