she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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