Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Randomize
