I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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