I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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