Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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