if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize